想膜拜心灵想特立独行

Want to meditate within, want to be special and alone 

却服从规矩却沉没人群

Yet conform to rules, yet immerse in the crowd

多矛盾

how contradicting

Sometimes I feel that I am enjoying my life perfectly fine alone. And yet, sometimes I desire to belong in a group of people. Together in trying to achieve something. 

Sometimes I enjoy having involved in a big group activity. And yet, feel bumped when tasked with a responsibility which involve caring for other people. 

Sometimes I'd rather working on a task alone. And yet, still feel the loneliness of not being able to clique with majority of my colleagues.

I wonder why.